Nikki Bella has admitted that there were moments when she felt like she “hated” her professional dancer fiancé Artem Chigvintsev in the weeks after welcoming her 2-month-old son, Matteo.
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The former professional wrestler, 36, spoke candidly about struggling with postpartum depression in the most recent episode of the “Total Bellas Podcast”.
“I’ve always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally,” said the new mom, who presents the podcast alongside her twin sister, Brie. “I’m very strong in that way. Postpartum has knocked me on my ass. This is something that is way different.”
The reality TV star also discussed how she has been finding it hard to cope with being alone while Chigvintsev is away filming the newest season of “Dancing With The Stars”.
She continued, “I think Brie was the first person who’s asked me in weeks: ‘How are you doing? I was about to say, ‘Fine,’ and my lips started shaking and I burst into alligator tears. Like, I broke down. Because that was the first time someone asked me in a while how I was doing, and I wasn’t doing OK.”
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Recalling how she eventually addressed the situation with Chigvintsev, Bella explained, “He’s like, ‘You could be mean.’ And I’m not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean. I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It’s true. There were times I’d look at him and I’m like, ‘I think I hate you.’”
Bella decided to seek help from her doctor after realizing that she was beginning to fall into a “deep postpartum depression.”
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She added, “I didn’t realize at week seven, you kind of come out of your baby blues and … go two different paths. You go the path of being healthy or you go down the path of being depressed, and that depression path can be a really dark, deep hole. I was starting to feel invisible… It just started to build up. Being alone with Matteo and just feeling lonely and not loved and invisible.”